When i see someone hitting on my crush
I walk up to them like:
Frocks | Whiskey | Motown | Scrabble dates in the park | Picnics | Paella | Cooking for friends & family | Cold rainy days spent reading under the covers | Martinis | Jonquils | Michelle Crew | NYC | Edith Piaf | Nina Simone | Cigarettes
(via jurassics)


I walk up to them like:
“What was the happiest moment of your life?”
“Last night when I was drunk. The saddest moment is right now. Cause I feel like shit.”
This guy

Mmmm! Can’t wait to get together for some bore dourves with a bunch of cowards I hate made by some stupid bitch who can’t even spell. What’s the plate on the left - is that crab? Yes, I will eat your delicious crab. You have 100% proven to me you are definitely a fully grown adult that wipes after they shit and washes their hands during food preparation. Oh wait, that’s the opposite of what you’ve done and, funnily enough, eating your suicide seafood seems like an attractive option here.
Office kitchenettes are the most depressing places on earth. Honestly, what the fuck? All that fucking Blend 43. Blend 43 is a joke - if a morning coffee from a cafe is a “big warm hug” then Blend 43 is a slow, condescending, ear whispering handjob from your uncle. The fucking conversation, holy shit, the conversation. “How was your weekend?” - oh, you know, just sat around taking heaps of pills, woke up next to my ex-girlfriend, threw up blood in my purse, had a borderline domestic violence moment with the wife, tearfully wanked until 3AM - “Oh you know, just took it easy” - all lies, all big fucking lies. Why does everyone want to know what you’re eating all the time - “What’s thatcha eating mate?” - it’s a sandwich you fucking cunt, and it’s a fucking good one because I made it and I don’t think shitty tasty cheese, flavourless kindergarten sausage and jatz is appropriate for anyone over the age of nine. And a payrise? Somebodies looking for a payrise lol!!? I don’t understand how you even have a job and I hope you get fired. At least you could potentially get away with this shit on welfare.
feeling hungry? don’t go here!
BUT WHEN I AM EATING THE BURGER.
Beach day! (Taken with Instagram at Burleigh Heads Beach)
Love getting roses cut fresh from my workmates garden (Taken with Instagram)